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    December 07

    傷心欲絕

      向來不曾跟電腦螢幕吐露心事的我...今天已經不知該找誰說話了....想起寶玲偶爾會在分享空間裡打打一些心情故事...現在我想跟著他這麼做....
       跟男友和好半年多了....其實我知道...他不愛我....他只是感激我對他那麼好....只是習慣有我在身邊...一段談了六年的感情...他對我而且就和空氣一樣...
      雖然他不活在我的世界裡..而我卻與他習習相關...今天....他終於說真話了.....而且連他媽媽也看不下去了吧.....簡訊我一封封留下來....重複的看了一遍又一遍..
      最難過那一句..."連我媽都說 如果不跟人家結婚就別拖著人家..."我哭了一個下午....這句話...我看了很傷心....現在雖然沒有分手...但男友要求給彼此多一點時
      間...我想...他大概希望我能等他愛上我吧.....愛是一種感覺...不是當了朋友..就可以發現什麼...然後再繼續交往的....或許他不能懂我的明白...朋友要我不要他了...
      可是我做不到....我愛他...很愛很愛...也許我上輩子也欺負的他很慘吧...今生才來還他債....我在心中偷偷打了一個小主意....想就這樣子消失....可是這樣他會想起
    我嗎....答案是不會.....沒有我的約束....他自由很多.....我覺得我好可悲...除了躲在房間裡偷哭.....也沒有別的可以做了...見了爸媽還要佯裝沒事....我心中一直在大叫....掉著眼淚把爸爸買回來的麵吃完....還要開心的回答父親...很好吃...有...我吃完了.....想大哭.....想大叫................可惜我做不到........我是一個很冷的人...遇到他..才會熱起來....但是....他不愛我.........一個很傷的結局..............接下來我們會怎麼樣........我不知道........我想哭完了今天.........笑過了明天..........假日時....再靜靜
    的沈澱............

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